What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
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And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
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Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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