dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
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I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
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Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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