I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
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Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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