Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize