i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
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the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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