I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So vagazzling was a success
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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