Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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