in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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