Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize