i just had sex bonerless
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
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I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
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I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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