stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize