Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
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I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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