Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
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As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
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I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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