How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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