The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
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Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
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Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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