I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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