But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
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Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
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I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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