i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize