he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Randomize