"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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