FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize