How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
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I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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