using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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