I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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