dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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