Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
this is an emotional support booty call
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize