I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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