I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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