he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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