dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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