My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize