it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
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I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
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I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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