I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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