Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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