I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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