It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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