I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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