I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
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I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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