For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
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He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
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You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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