i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
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We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
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I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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