literally had 100 drinks last night.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
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My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
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There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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