When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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