I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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