I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize