i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize