He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
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No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
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We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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