Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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