I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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