why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize