if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Found the puke drawer
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Drake has all the answers
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize